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Prawn and spinach curry with lemongrass paste

After Kitty was born I had been writing quite a lot about the general lifeshock of having a baby, the discombobulation, the adjustment, the anxiety, the occasional moments of despair – you know. My usual thing.

And I had been thundering away on my laptop and capturing, I thought really brilliantly, the whole thing. TRUTH, I said to myself *tappety tappety tappety* It’s all about TRUTH. I also thought it was quite funny.

Then separately two people “took me aside” and asked me if I was “alright”. Was I, maybe, suffering from a bit of post natal depression?

My first instinct was to laugh. It struck me as hilarious that I was writing fully consciously about the difficulties of new motherhood in an, I thought, totally self-aware and solid, non-mad way and these people took me to be nuts. So I felt like laughing and laughing and then vomiting and bit and crying for a few seconds from sheer mania. Then my second instinct was to yell “Of COURSE I’ve got post natal depression. Having a baby can be a bit DEPRESSING.” And my third and final instinct was to say “I’m just telling the truth! This is how it is! You think I’m a fucked up basket case because you haven’t got any kids and don’t know what it’s like!!”

In the end I think I just said “No honestly I’m fine.”

Any idle chatter about post natal depression enrages me, as it is to diminish actual sufferers (I understand what hell it must be) and to diminish the, I don’t know, the… noble suffering of motherhood. It can be terrible and God fucking damn it, I can take it. (But not without a lot of moaning.) So it irritates me that absolutely any even slightly negative emotion related to having a small baby and suddenly you’ve got PND. It’s the equivalent of liking to wash your hands before you cook dinner and suddenly you’ve got OCD.

People also talk about it in a slightly hushed way, as if rather than just feeling a bit tired and claustrophobic you were Bertha fucking Mason charging round your attic in your nightie gibbering and clawing at your eyes with long dirty fingernails.

I wish this sort of caper was referred to as post-natal stress or post-natal trauma or post-natal anxiety – or even drop the post-natal, thanks. Can we all just assume, please, that anyone who’s just had a baby – first or second or third or eighth, is not going to find life and the world a constant bellylaugh for a bit? Maybe for quite a long time!

It doesn’t need to be fixed or solved. Nobody needs to go and see a flipping doctor (unless you really are charging round the attic in your dirty nightie). All you want, when you’ve just had a baby, is a bit of discreet sympathy. “Mmm yes it’s so hard,” is what you want to hear. “It’s the same for everyone. It’ll get better.”

A strange side-effect of post-natal gloom is of course that you are absolutely delightful to your children to compensate. Kitty knows I’m a bit down in the dumps because she gets showered with attention, smiles and an unusual enthusiasm for Play-Doh and drawing. (“Mummy Mummy look at my picture!” “Kitty I love that picture.”I usually do, after all.) Sam cannot believe how many weird noises I am capable of making and for how long I can play Where Is Sam? There Is Sam! (Where Is Mummy? She’s In the Dark Teatime Of The Soul!)

Anyway here is my very handy guide to Post-Natal Trauma. It sounds, in abbreviation, like PMT. But then so does PND. My message is: it’s all different sides of the same coin.

Your schedule, if you have just had a baby, ought to go something like this.

For the first year you will be suddenly, randomly hormonal and cry at strange things and shout at your husband for no reason (or sometimes for perfectly good reasons). If it is your first child you cannot believe how tired you are. You feel like you have been expertly beaten up by secret police. You live on coffee. You cannot remember anything.

On top of this you will experience:

First Weekend as Mother depression when you realise Oh My God there are no days off.

First Fight with Husband over child/childcare/child’s routine etc. He says you’re uptight and tense about everything. You say Fuck You you’ve got no idea what this is like. You realise Oh My God we’re not a sexy carefree couple anymore. We’re not this, like, perfect soul matey match that nothing can tear asunder. We’re just a couple of idiots who barely know each other with a child to look after.

Three Months In depression when you realise Oh My God this is going to go on forEVER. If it is your second child, round about now it hits you how little of the way through the first year you are, and how much longer you have to go before Child 1 and Child 2 can interact in any useful way (even if this means fighting). You also suddenly remember: teething!

First Winter depression when you realise Oh My God winters used to be fun! With log fires and spending entire days in bed reading spicy novels! Long red wine lunches with friends! Now winter is about Noro – who’s got it? Who’s had it? – indoor play, one streaming cold after another and long dark afternoons.

Going on Holiday depression when you realise Oh My God going anywhere with a baby is a flipping hassle and they don’t want to sit about all day on a sun lounger reading Life After Life. They want to eat sand and wake up at 0500 due to flimsy holiday rental window treatments. This is combined with First Flight depression where you do 5 hours with a 13 month old and vow never to leave England by air again.

Childcare Depression where you realise Oh My God I cannot buy my way out of trouble. “I’ll just get a nanny/send it to daycare if it’s annoying,” you said breezily when you were pregnant. Then you have the little weasel and realise that nothing is ever that simple. You realise that no bastard can look after this baby properly except you. They will upset it, they will get it wrong, it will feel abandoned. You’d rather do it all yourself. Which leads to…

…Self-Image Depression where you realise Oh My God how did my feet get so disgusting? I cannot remember the last time I got my hair cut. Why is my wardrobe full of clothes from 2007? Why do I only ever wear grey skinny jeans with Converse and a Breton top? Where did it all go? Who am I?

If you don’t experience any of the above with your child or children then I salute you and congratulate you and envy you. But, hear this: you are the freak, not me.

Well I don’t know about you but all that talk about feeling blue has cheered me up no end and made me feel really quite peckish. So let’s turn with appropriate haste to this prawn and spinach curry that has been a big hit with us dieters.

It has been aided by a thing I found in a tube in Waitrose called lemongrass paste.

My basic curry mix, which I turn to in times of stress and confusion (but not depression, you understand), goes like this:

1 chilli, seeds in
2 spring onions
1 tsp fish sauce
1 tbsp soy sauce
1 small bunch coriander if there’s any in the garden/I have some hanging about
some grated ginger – about 1 tbsp
1 tbsp tomato paste
1 large clove garlic, peeled
Some lime juice? Lime zest?

Then in it all goes into the little whizzer – whizz whizz. And if I ever come across some exotic thing that might change the flavour and thus our entire dinner, I like to throw it in too just for fun. Because I am that wild. I worked my way through a pot of tamarind paste a few months ago but just between you and me I didn’t see what difference it made. And when I have fresh lemongrass I add that. But this paste, in a tube, which you keep in your fridge for curry emergencies is my idea of a good time. There it is: an instant new note to dinner sitting gamely in the fridge.

So what you do with your curry paste/mix once it has been tamed in your whizzer is fry it off gently in some groundnut oil, then add one small can coconut milk, (Waitrose do mini ones, about 170ml, which has enabled me to make curries regularly. Those normal-sized cans of coconut milk are insane – I am not making a curry for 400 people, people!), then add some chicken stock, about a pint (a cube will do) and simmer all this gently for about 30 mins. If you feel your curry is still too liquid at this point, you can simmer further until it reduces to a pleasing consistency.

To this you can add whatever you like. I am into frozen peeled prawns at the moment, also tofu and spinach and fried courgettes (see previous post). AND we recently had this with some Zero Noodles, which you may have read about in MailOnline, (don’t pretend you don’t), which are those noodley things that are made of some strange seaweed and taste of nothing but add reassuring bulk to an otherwise sparse curry.

Zero Noodles are, disappointingly, not available at Waitrose, only online or from Holland & Barrett (and some other shops I can’t remember). They are fiendishly expensive so I use them sparingly, only about once or twice a month. But when I remember that it’s time to get them out I’m always pleased and relieved: that’s the thing about diets – you just have to try not to let them depress you. 

Christmas food to make now

Thinking about Christmas? Why not get super organised and start preparing some of your food and Christmas treats in advance?

Christmas can be stress free this year with these simple Christmas recipes that are ready to be prepared in advance. When it comes to Christmas Day you’ll have more time to spend with your family and less time slaving away in the kitchen – sounds good, right?

There are plenty of Christmas recipes that you can make weeks before the day. One of which is classic Christmas cake. We’ve got the ideal recipe from Mary Berry which you can make up to 3 months in advance and leave to mature for a greater taste. Or you could pop it into the freezer and leave until you’re in the mood for decorating it – perfect!

How about making some classic mince pies? Just use a jar of ready-made mincemeat and pop in the freezer once cooked. All you need to do is reheat them before you serve them Christmas day.

You can even prepare your gravy months before (bet you didn’t know that!) by saving any leftover meat juices from your Sunday roasts. Mix the juices with gravy granules and pop into a suitable container to be frozen until needed.

We’ve got plenty more recipes like these so you’ll have no problem getting organised this Christmas. Take a look for yourself…

PB2 Flourless Chocolate Brownies

These brownies are pretty amazing! Made with PB2 (powdered peanut butter) instead of flour plus cocoa powder, raw honey and chocolate chips – moist and delicious, you won’t believe they’re only around 130 calories each!

I’m not a baker. Baking is an edible science that requires accuracy and precision. It requires the perfect balance between flours, leaveners, fats, and liquids. When I bake, I feel more like a mad scientist because I break all the rules. So when something actually works and turns out awesome, I’ll be honest, I’m often surprised! These brownies are the perfect example – no flour, no oil or butter, but they are amazing (happy dance)! And the best part, you don’t need a fancy mixer. I mixed this all by hand in a large bowl with a whisk and a spatula.

If you’ve never heard of PB2[1], it’s basically a powdered peanut butter with 85% less fat. You add a little water to make it a spreadable peanut butter. I personally prefer real peanut butter if I’m spreading it on toast, but for baking and adding to smoothies, PB2[2] is excellent. I used to buy it on Amazon, but now I see it in my local supermarket. Here’s the Amazon link[3] if you can’t find it near you.

Moist, chocolatey and delicious, you will LOVE them! They also happen
to be gluten-free, and if you use dairy-free chips they can be
dairy-free as well. If you have nut allergies however, these are not for
you. But the these Amazing Flourless Brownies[4] are your nut-free answer. They are made with black beans instead of flour but I swear, you’ll never know!

PB2 Flourless Chocolate Brownies
gordon-ramsay-recipe.com
Servings: 12  • Serving Size: 1 bar • Old Points: 2 pts • Points+: 4 pts
Calories: 131 • Fat: 5 g • Protein: 6 g • Carb: 26 g • Fiber: 3 g • Sugar: 20 g
Sodium: 217 mg • Cholesterol: 20 g

Ingredients:

  • cooking spray
  • 1 large egg
  • 1 large egg white
  • 1 cup PB2[5]
  • 1/2 cup cocoa powder
  • 1 tsp baking soda
  • 1/4 tsp kosher salt
  • 1/2 cup plus 1 tbsp water
  • 1/2 cup raw honey
  • 1 tsp vanilla
  • 3/4 cup chocolate chips

Directions:

Preheat the oven to 325°F. Spray a nonstick 9 x 9 inch baking pan with cooking spray.

Beat the egg and egg white in a small bowl with a whisk.

In a large bowl combine the PB2[6], cocoa powder, salt, baking soda and mix well with a spatula. Add the egg and egg whites and stir. Add water, honey, vanilla and stir with a spatula until combined. Fold in the chocolate chips.

Pour the mixture into the prepared baking pan and bake about 30 minutes. Set aside to cool, then cut into 12 bars cutting 3 rows x 4 rows.

References

  1. ^ PB2 (www.amazon.com)
  2. ^ PB2 (www.amazon.com)
  3. ^ Amazon link (www.amazon.com)
  4. ^ Amazing Flourless Brownies (www.gordon-ramsay-recipe.com)
  5. ^ PB2 (www.amazon.com)
  6. ^ PB2 (www.amazon.com)